If you were given a magic button that could instantly and painlessly change your body to the one of your desired sex, and nobody would judge you for it and there would be no awkwardness to deal with, would you press that button? Would you stay that way? When you hear the phrase ‘opposite sex’, do you think of men or women? How do you feel about your answer? Does it feel normal, or does it feel wrong? When you imagine yourself as an old person having lived a long and contented life - what gender is that person? Do you feel pressured to behave a certain way because of the gender you were assigned at birth? - How would you feel if you were given the freedom to live life the way you want with the gender you were assigned at birth? Would you be comfortable simply being a feminine man, or masculine woman, if the people around you accepted you as such?
- If you feel restricted or frustrated by gender roles, where does this pain stem from? Does it come primarily from the burden of fulfilling these gender roles, or does it stem from a discomfort from being forced into them?
- If women were made to serve National Service and men were made exempt, would you be content being a man?
- Conversely, if you were magically brought to a world where you no longer had to deal with any sexism, would you be content being a woman?
Does the thought that you may not be transgender upset you, or provide relief? Why, or why not? - Similarly, does the thought of transitioning fill you with fear because you like your body, but are afraid you secretly want to?
Are your feelings about your gender more questioning in nature, rather than distressing? - Teenagers go through a period of identity formation while they try to work out their place in the world. This may extend to gender.
- They may grapple with what it means to have a female body in a society that often sexualises and infantilises them, or being male in a society that often expects toughness and emotional repression.
- If you are a teenager (or a pre-teen), consider giving yourself some time to figure out what your identity is. If, however, you experience distress about your assigned gender that seems largely unusual, you may wish to look further into this with a trusted counsellor.
Do you want to transition purely because of someone else? - If you are seeking a same-sex relationship and are dealing with homophobia, would you still be uncomfortable with your gender if you were free to love your partner?
- Do people around you wish that you were a different gender, and scorn you for being the ‘wrong’ gender? If you solely wish to transition just so that they would be happier, you might wish to reconsider.
- Do you want to transition just so a crush would be attracted to you? You should definitely reconsider.
Ultimately, what you should be asking is not “am I transgender?” but:
In an ideal world, which gender would I want to be seen as? Which sex do I want my body to look like? Am I willing to make permanent changes to achieve those goals?
Inability to cope with the abuse from family, friends and society that they experienced as a result of transitioning; being subject to homelessness, poverty, unemployment, physical or sexual assault; loneliness, especially the difficulty in developing romantic relationships, or when their partner divorces them after transitioning. Mourning their loss of fertility and how they could no longer have biological children Changing political or religious views on gender, particularly regarding the validity or morality of transgender identities and transitioning Realising their gender dysphoria was due to past trauma (especially sexual abuse or the fear of such) or internalised misogyny, rather than a genuine identification with or desire to be another sex; in some cases, trauma counselling solved the dysphoria Internalised transphobia (e.g “I’ll never be a real woman”) and finding it preferable or more honest to struggle with dysphoria than live as a transitioned transgender person Mistaking the desire not to be their assigned sex for a desire to be the other sex Misdiagnosis – either due to a mental illness which confounded the results, or a case where gender non-conformity was mistaken for a transgender identity Realising they were actually non-binary, and/or just as uncomfortable with a body more typical of the ‘other’ sex Feeling pressured into taking steps they did not want – like surgery. Some reported feeling pressured into sex reassignment surgery by romantic/sexual partners, gendered body ideals, doctors, or because of bureaucratic requirements to be legally recognised as their gender (as is the case in Singapore). Poor or dissatisfactory surgical outcomes (which is becoming less common as technology continues to improve; the risk of complications for MTF genital surgery is now down to 1%) Inability to ‘pass’ as cisgender, leading to diminished quality of life and fears for safety, or thinking that their transition was a failure.
