Safety

Your safety and well-being should always come first.

"My friends were very open, encouraging and accepting of me, and they helped me overcome my fear of coming out. Without them, I would not have gone ahead! Try to find a strong supportive system, and don’t be afraid of who you are. Find an accepting friend if your family isn’t supportive. Never forget that you’re a person worthy of a life that’s yours!” — Emily Mei (she/her)

Who to come out to

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Coming out can feel overwhelming, so it helps to start small.

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Avoid making assumptions about how others will react. People will surprise you — in both good ways and bad.

Should you come out?

Coming out doesn’t mean you have to tell everyone in your life.

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Consider putting it in writing

If face-to-face conversations feel intimidating, consider writing a letter, email, or text message to come out.

“When I was coming out to my colleagues at my old workplace, I wrote up a note to tell them about what this meant for me, with a series of answers to frequently asked questions. Doing it in person felt very intimidating, and I felt like I could express myself better in words.” — Ellis (she/they)
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Before you come out

Before actually coming out, you should have a good idea of what you wish to express to the people you are coming out to.

Recognise that this may come as a shock to them.

  • Additionally, you can use our I’ll Walk With You resource to explain what this all means to your parents and family members.
  • Check if they would like additional support. TransSG, SAFE and Oogachaga runs a support group, My Family Matters, for parents and loved ones. Aside from bimonthly events, it offers a 1-to-1 meet up for parents to meet other parents of trans kids.
  • If you are a religious person, you could reaffirm your commitment to your faith while being steadfast about your gender identity, if you so wish.
  • Additionally, if the people around you are progressive and believe that being transgender merely reinforces sexist stereotypes, or might suspect you’re just gay, explain why this is not the case.
  • If they are the intellectual sort, it may help to include some of the scientific and medical studies around transgender issues. (You can find these in our Resources section.)

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    “One day, while I was talking to my mother about my therapy sessions, I accidentally revealed that I needed to tell my therapist something. My mother pestered me to tell her what it was, and I gave in. At that moment, I felt like I was having a heart attack — I admitted that I wanted to be a boy. My parents didn’t take me seriously then, but I think they’ve eased into it now. Don’t let anyone discourage you from being yourself, even if they’re a friend or family member. The time will come when you feel safe enough to come out!” — Kenji (he/him)

    Society can often be hostile to transgender people.

    Frequently asked questions from friends and family

    When you come out, be prepared for questions from friends and family.

    How long have you known?
    Are you sure this isn’t just a phase?
    What does this mean for your future?

    “If you’re sure about who you are, your loved ones deserve to know the truth… the people who truly love you will eventually overcome their prejudices and love you for who you are. Have faith in them!” — Jiawei (any/all pronouns)

    Unfortunately, not everyone will respond positively. You may encounter nosy or invasive questions.

    Dealing with microaggressions

    Transgender Microaggressions: How to Spot and Stop Serious Harm